Saturday, December 25, 2010

My Self-Diagnosed Medical Conditions..

Hello.
My name is Caitie, and I'm a hypochondriac.

Perhaps it's all the Diet Coke I drink, but yes, I am one of those people who will have a pebble in my shoe and be sure it's a tumor. I have a slight tendency to assume that a cough is the black lung, and the thing at the top of my Christmas List this year was a portable carbon monoxide detector.

Okay, it's not THAT bad.. I'm pretty laid back, actually! But I do have a couple weirdo fears (along with being claustrophobic) that I'd like to share with you now.

FTPS
(Flat Tire Paranoia Syndrome)

Watch this video.. You'll understand my fears.



After having a good number of flat tires in the past few years, I have developed a severe case of FTPS. I discovered this disease back in 2008 when, on a 6-hour drive from Cleveland by myself, I realized that I had stopped on the side of the road four times to check out the flat tire that I was positive that I had. Never turned out to be one though. Studies (by me) show that over 1 person is affected by FTPS every year. So far, I've been that person.

My radio can go fuzzy, the air conditioning rattle or I can merely go over a small bump and I will be sent into the throws of an FTPS episode. I'll be sure that I have a flat! Having someone with me helps.. "Caitie.." they'll say. "I just sneezed.. You don't have a flat tire." Whew! Thank you, friend!

If you, or someone you love is suffering from FTPS, contact me. Cuz I totally need someone with whom I can commiserate!

FOFAPFITMD
(Fear of Forgetting and Putting Foil in the Microwave Disease)

Though, this video looks interesting! Doll chips!



At times I can be what the French call, "scatterbrained". I remember cleaning my dorm room when I was a freshman at Ball State and finding my keys in the freezer. Or how about the time that I searched an entire day for my glasses before my classmates told me I'd been wearing them like a headband all day. Course, no one could forget the 100 times I pre-paid for gas and left without getting any.

This is unfortunately normal for me, and I am scared to death that someday, when reheating leftovers, I will pop the foil wrapping into the microwave, set it for 2 minutes and walk away, blowing up my entire house. Especially before I have time to get my guitar, laptop and nail polish out!

What about you? Any particular fears you'd like to share? Fear of commenting on a lame blog perhaps?

Friday, December 24, 2010

T'was the Night Before Christmas..

.. Beardmore style!

T'was the Night Before Christmas and all through the house
Every creature was stirring
Including the two young girls who had been put to bed hours ago.

The stockings were hung by the chimney with care
And even the stocking that we made for our dog
who had to be put to sleep in October
was there.

No children were nestled all snug in their beds
And I seriously considered just letting the cat outta the bag
about the whole Santa thing..

Mama in her kerchief and I
in my white-wine stupor
had just settled down for a long night of present wrappin'.

When up on the staircase there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my seat to see who the hell was out of bed again.

The moon on the breast of the new fallen snow
was the last thing on my mind because I was
about to kill whatever kid was up.

When what to my wondering eyes would appear
But my seven year old sister
who said "she couldn't breathe" cuz her nose AND throat were stuffy.

Away from the gift pile,
I flew like a flash
Tore open the Benedryll and..
Gave her a dose.

I told this sweet girl, so lively and quick,
that if she got up again,
there'd be NO ST. NICK!

No Dasher! No Dancer! No Prancer! No Vixen!
No Comet! No Cupid! No Donner! No Blitzen!

From the top of the porch, to the top of the wall,
I'd throw away, throw away, throw away all.

As dry leaves (aka grape leaves aka chardonnay) before the wild hurricane fly,
I sat back down to continue to wrap presents.
Surely they wouldn't be up again.

But then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof (or upstairs),
The prancing and pawing of my other little sister.

As I drew in my breath and was turning around
Down the staircase this other girl came with a bound
And her best "Who me?" look.

She was dressed all in fleece, from her head to her toe,
And she hadn't even been trying to sleep, I just know!
Mostly cuz she totally admitted it.

Her eyes -- how they twinkled! Her dimples how merry!
Her cheeks were like roses, but I didn't care.
This was ridiculous!

She asked about Santa and about his dear elf,
And I laughed when I saw her, in spite of myself.

Dammit, Caitie! Get your head in the game!

With a yawn, two slow blinks, and a nod of her head,
Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread;

even though she told me it was impossible for her to sleep.

And taking two fingers and pinching her nose,
I gave her some Benedryll too and put her back in bed.
"Non-Drowsy" has no place in this house.

And I heard her yawn-talk as I walked down the hall,
"Merry Christmas to you - I'm not tired at all!"

Wednesday, December 08, 2010

Friday, December 03, 2010

Top 10 Christmas Movies!

Here they are! My favorite Christmas movies! What are yours?


10. Love Actually


9. The Muppet Christmas Carol


8. The Grinch


7. It's a Wonderful Life


6. White Christmas


5. The Santa Clause


4. Christmas Vacation


3. Home Alone


2. Miracle on 34th Street - Okay, I've never seen the 1994 one, but I love the one made back in the 50's!


1. One Magic Christmas - Since no one has ever seen this, I'll tell you about it.. Mary Steenbergen doesn't believe in Christmas or Santa. She is such a scrooge about the season, that not even her kids' excitement could change the way she feels. With an angel's help, her daughter Abby, tries to get her into the spirit. It's full of magic, adventure, enchantment, and many lessons learned. One Magic Christmas is funny, dramatic, and wholesome. It's one of those movies that you truly can watch with your whole family, and everyone will like it. They just recently re-released it on DVD, so now I have a good copy of the movie that has meant so much to me growing up. I still say that it's one of my all time favorite movies!!!!


Honorable Mention: The Family Man, The Family Stone, The Christmas Story, etc!